\stands on soapbox
\turns megaphone on
\clears throat
Throughout pop culture in the past 100 years, there's been a disturbing trend of pillaging the creations of an artist posthumously, which results in giant corporations or large syndicates profiting lucratively. Noted artist/satirist Berke Breathed captured this concept brilliantly in a cartoon once. He took Margaret Mitchell’s Scarlett O’ Hara and Walt Kelly’s Pogo into a room with the Breathed’s neurotic Bloom County foil Binkley and discussed this “traversty o justis” with an acrid, accurate and funny perspective. The final panel of the strip ends with the syndicate (manifesting itself as a fat bald man wearing a stained wife beater) taking Pogo over his shoulder, obviously with the intent of marketing Pogo on to glass collector’s cups. I personally would never by a Pogo collector’s glass (but if it were Bill the Cat or Steve Dallas I’d be first in line), but the strip did drive a point home.
So imagine my surprise when I read on AICN and E!’s website that there is going to be a sequel to the 1984 classic Sixteen Candles. As the article in the link so deftly states “Buffy Shutt and Kathy Jones, producers of the 2002 surf-pop flick Blue Crush, will shoulder the responsibility of producing 32 Candles, along with Ken Holdren.”
My second big issue with this is that they have grabbed the producers of a mediocre movie that was essentially an updated version of Gidget, but we’ll save that for later on in the rant. My FIRST and foremost big issue is that (once again) in their infinite wisdom and precision judgment, Hollywood has decided to forego employing the services of the original director and screenwriter. John Hughes is single-handedly one of the most important directors/script writers of the 80s, Damn near unstoppable from Animal House all the way to Planes Tranes and Automobiles and synonymous with pop culture during that era. Not having involved in this project is a horrible decision, one that shows yet again the true degree of arrogance and righteousness Hollywood displays without giving a further thought to merit. Even as a consultant to the script, Hughes could have brought a viewpoint/sensitivity that the people who have been selected to do this movie can’t even fathom. It’s just flat out wrong on so many levels. This movie shouldn’t even have been made. It’s a bit comparable to the slew of Disney “sequels” to classics that are going direct to DVD without giving a further thought to the pristine quality of the originals. It’s just all cash cow. What’s even worse is that this “sequel” won’t even be shown on wide theater cinematic release.
But that doesn’t really matter anyways, because quite frankly I don’t think anyone would dole out $9-11 to see Anthony Michael Hall and Molly Ringwald…two desperate actors hanging on for dear life via nostalgic memory trips and bad USA network TV shows…re-enact characters that probably won’t have the same dimension they once had. The resonating effect just won’t be there. Why? Because the soundtrack from the movie studio (who also happens to own one of the music distribution outlets in the world) will be too concerned with pumping the soundtrack so damn loud into the mix so people will automatically feel connected for a certain bit of nostalgia so they’ll run right out and purchase the soundtrack…that none of the original depth and warmth of the characters will be there. The jokes will be forced. The shtick will be tired by the opening credits (which I’m sure will be a homage to the original opening because the writers can’t find anything original to do). The acting will suck. It just spells disaster before it even begins.
Hollywood, if you are listening (and you probably aren’t)…please…DON’T DO THIS MOVIE..if the directors and writers of this project somehow should stumble upon this site…I’m begging you…don’t desecrate the brilliance of this film with your so called good intentions. Thank you.
\end rant
\off for coffee