(or: how my fanboy democrat party tendencies filter through like water to tracing paper)
Hoo ha! How about that boys and girls?? Talk about starting off with a bang! While the audience didn't especially appear to be over abundant with enthusiasm, it wasn't until later on in the night when the Clinton machine rolled up on in there, with backup courtesy of Jimmy Carter and Al Gore, that the crowd really got a rockin. Well, as much as any convention of this proportion could get rockin’ anyways. There’s a lot of ground to cover, and I did most of my comments in real time. If you want those you’ll have to click on the MORE link below.
The highlights are more than obvious: Jimmy Carter’s searing but eloquent speech, Bill Clinton’s speech that would have made any southern preacher proud, Al Gore’s personality implant paying off yet again and Hillary’s succinct but potent introduction to the other Clinton’s time on the stage.
For more details click below. And I realize that I have a few conservative readers. I just want them to rest assured that this is not Fox News. I will not be providing fair and balanced coverage throughout this convention and I offer no apologies for it. Sorry. I’ll make it up to you. I promise. I’ll buy you fries next time I see you.
And now…on with the show.
5:20PM : Realize that school's been in session for a bit now. Missed the opening speeches and a brief on from J. Granholm. Turn on C-Span online at work and listen while working. Endure brief but predictable (and poorly written) speeches from key Dems I never heard of, with horrific segueways between speeches courtesy of a backing band playing the most godawful renditions of soul stompers. Someone at the DNC got the Emmy/Grammy band at a cheap rate, because that's the only plausible excuse I can think of for not playing the originals outright.
5:38PM : Go home. Punch out for the day, hoping to catch coverage live on NPR. To my dismay, it's All Things Considered and they're discussing the traffic patterns around the Boston area. Interesting, but not what I was looking for
5:55PM : HEY! HOLY SHIT! NPR is doing a profile on Marilyn Crispell. After almost swerving into a median on I 94 filled with excitement only an avant jazz dorkwad could empathize with, I beam with glee that they're doing a review of her latest CD with Mark Helias and Paul Motian on ECM. I realize that only NPR, Thom Jurek and a few others I work with are the only people on earth who actually would get excited over such a thing.
6:28PM : There's been a break in the action, and it was during this time I picked up crazy bread, a 2 liter of diet coke and a small pizza from little caesars. C-Span does what it does best when there's no action happening: they meander around with swirling unbalanced video cameras and open air microphones capturing the crowd noise and ambience of the event. Only on C-SPAN can you over hear conversations about what politicans had for lunch.
I'm flipping through the other stations and there's wonks and hacks every channel I can turn to. Calgon, take me away.
6:32PM : I flip over to the satirical channel that is Fox News. Immediately notice the lack of flags or patriotic propganda during the computer animated sequences between news reports covering the DNC. Notice that John Kerry is backed by everything from a baseball to the Italian flag. However, one Bush blurb graphic has an American Flag over his shoulder. Fair and balanced indeed. Oh and the best part of the news flash was a story about the New York Times Obudsman declaring his own paper to be a liberal one. How awesome.
6:34PM : Switch back on over to C-SPAN to watch a few more speeches. Realize I have dripped pizza sauce on my new shirt. Undeterred, I press forward and refuse to change my shirt for as long as possible.
6:45PM: Gloria Feldt, the President of Planned Parenthood walks onto the stage to the (surprise!) tune "Gloria". Didn't see that one coming. At all. Really.
Anyways, she sparks the crowd a bit with her speech..especially when she accused W of "corrupting science with ideology".
The initial plan of minimizing the Bush bashing ain't goin' too well. And it's only 7
6:52PM : I'm really starting to get annoyed with the musical selections. First it's the predictablity of "Gloria"...and next it's the brilliant idea to play a vamp from "Great Balls of Fire" while the President of a disabilities organization wheelchairs herself on to the stage. BAD MUSIC CUES #1 and 2 for the night.
6:54PM : The Jehovah's Witness that comes by to talk to our housemate on a weekly basis is at the door. Now it appears to be my turn to have a chat about God. Inexplicably, this plan backfires. I reason that it's either my orange Chicago County Jail t-shirt, my glass of VSOP, answering the door with a mouthful of crazy bread, the disheveled, frenzied look on my face or a combo of all four that freaks him out. Either way, I'd like to thank Ian for the wonderful shirt.
6:58PM: Throughout this night, I've noticed a small series of passages of insipration quotes backed by lush ambient string washes. They need to stop this, and they do. But then the band jams into Sly Stone's "Everyday People". C-SPAN takes camera shots of the crowd, and who do I see out of the corner of my eye? FUCKING ART ALEXAKIS from fucking EVERCLEAR! Yeah. Remember them? FUCKING EVERCLEAR dude...Mister Everything to Everyone...singing along in the crowd with a pained look on his face. I spill more pizza sauce on my shirt in the excitement of it all.
BAD MUSIC CUE #3: Trying to be the party of inclusion? Don't have everyone dancing to a song with the following lyrics:
Then it's the blue ones who can't accept
The green ones for living with
The black ones tryin' to be a skinny one
There is a yellow one that won't
Accept the black one
That won't accept the red one
That won't accept the white one
It's just not a good idea.
7:04PM : What the fuck are Gideon Yago and Sujin Pak doing up there? What on earth is going on? Oh. It's an MTV thing. This is where things get hip and the youth have their say. Or something. Gosh. That's swell. I flip over to MTV just to see what's playing? I think it's the new Sleepy Brown video, followed by some commercial for the summer beach house. It makes me question how much MTV really does give a shit and how much it's all lip service to make themselves look like they're contributing to the education of youth. Why didn't they interrupt all programming, if only for a few moments, to present the speech of their contest winner on MTV? Surely that would have made SO much more of an impact at that very moment than tweens flipping through and casually stopping by to see what the convention is about.
The contest winner's name is Michael Negron. His speech is surprisingly good. It's a shame they put him on so early in the program. It's a shame MTV wouldn't cut into their programming to give him his due props. It's only flaw? It was way too short. He could have expounded more on things, and I'm sure he did. But you know us ADHD addled children. We need it in 30 seconds or it's no good.
7:19PM : Decide now's a good time to learn "Waiting on a Friend" by the Rolling Stones on my Strat. Forget 50% of the words, but have fun playing the chords and repeating the chorus over and over again.
7:31PM : It is so painfully embarassing at times to watch people try to dance to music at these things. Does one lose feeling in their hips and legs past a certain point in life? I'm not asking seniors to start Jackin' in the Aisles (hmm...new song title?), but a little more movement and more clapping on the beat is all I'm asking for. It just looks SO PAINFUL because they're trying so excruciatingly hard to get down and get funky.
7:34PM : Official convention photograph taken. Everyone freezes for 120 seconds like some weird twister game.
7:36PM : Dancing resumes to "Dancing In the Streets"
7:41PM : Kerry video uses the Bosstones "The Impression That I Get" to give the DNC some autofellatio love about their technology and advancements in media production. All of the Dem heavy hitters are in this video, short of Kerry and Edwards. And Lieberman, though the rumor is he was busy that day auditioning for the position of silent stage dancing guy in the Bosstones that was recently vacated.
7:44PM : Having strange desire to see chairman Terry Mcauliffe tear his shirt and tie off, flex for the camera, and then bean an unsuspecting Bill Richardson over the head with a metal chair. Or Joe "Mentum", for that matter. Less grandstanding + More WWE = Interested Youth Market
7:50PM : Ten minutes to prime time. Meanwhile, Anderson Cooper does a CNN feature on the bloggers of the convention. Wonkette takes on Anderson Cooper. She's really not funny. At all. And not once does she talk about blogs. How awesome. Meanwhile, the backing Grammy/Emmy DNC house band is playing "What's Going On", which is the perfect soundclash to Anderson Cooper's background music..."This is Radio Clash".
8:00PM : Flip to O Reilly. Apparently there's a Moore/O Reilly segment tomorrow. Nader is on tonight. I wonder why Fox refuses to do the interview live?
8:08PM : Flip O Reilly off while he's interviewing that fatass traitor Dick Morris. Al Gore comes on stage, and that charisma implant pays off yet again. He seems so at ease in front of everyone and in control of things. Where the hell was he 3 years ago?
8:30PM : Glenn Close's tribute to the women of the senate was pretty damn cool, and it makes me curious to see if the RNC will curate something similiar in scope for their party. Probably not. Big ups to Stabenow for her soundbytes though. She does Michigan proud.
What the hell is up with Feinstein and Boxer's pantsuits? Not to sound like Grambo about it, but jesus christ ladies! Horrible choice in colors and fabrics!! UGH!!
8:41PM : Flip over to watch Nader look like a dink on O Reilly. For the few seconds I watched he lollygagged in true Nader fashion around the Afghanistan issue O Reilly was pressing like a duck in a pond of hyrdochloric acid. Anyone else watch the whole thing? Lemme know how it went.
8:46PM : A reprise of "Everyday People". No Everclear singer to be seen.
8:47PM : I'm noticing a few women have been taking fashion tips from Bootsy Collins. Stop that.
8:55PM : It's Jimmy Carter time! It's Jimmy Carter time! But first a video ala Regan video style from 2000 about Jimmy's tenure as President, narrated by Bill (BILL!). That man is everywhere as of late, and it's only setting the stage for his speech later on, which will surely go over its alloted time.
9:01PM : One of the classiest moments of the night: Jimmy walking on stage to "Georgia On My Mind"
9:03PM : (This is the first time I'm going to self-edit). Jimmy's speech was nothing short of brilliant. Dignified and poised, it reminded me of how eloquent a presidential speaker can be...and just how important he is to recent generations. Here's a transcript of his words, and I highly urge you to read it.
9:17PM : Get up to use the bathroom for the first time in hours. Crack open another diet coke.
9:28PM : BAD MUSIC IDEA #5: They're playing Chuck Berry's Johnny B. Goode. It's reminding my housemates of Marvin Berry, Marty McFly and Back to the Future. It's reminding me of all the past sexual indiscretions Berry has been arranged on over the past few years. Doesn't anyone at the DNC do their research? BAD MUSIC IDEA #6: Earlier in the night someone used "Proud Mary" and rewrote the lyrics to talk about Kerry. Not a good idea.
10:00PM : C-SPAN has just informed me that my favorite storyteller, Garrison Keillor, will be on C-SPAN tomorrow morning at 8AM EST. If I'm angry and feel like unleashing my rage verbally at the world, perhaps I will tune in for a good healthy primal scream session. Otherwise, I decide it best to just not watch.
10:03PM : Writers fatigue is setting in. Inexplicably imagining Glen Close vomiting all over the podium uncontrollably. She's misprounouncing "spontaneously" as if she's from the Bush administration. But here comes a nice 9/11 tribute.
10:09PM : After getting overly depressed by the 9/11 speech, I flip over to the old "fair and balanced" to hear that motherfucker Brit Hume "someone saying" that Democrats are in danger of putting on a dull convention. Even more depressed, I flip back to C-SPAN to hear a solo violinist playing Amazing Grace.
Fuck you Brit Hume. Fuck you and your cowardly, righteous bosses.
10:22PM : Whoomp here it is. The lead up to the main event. Heeeere's Hillary!!!
10:25PM : Return from another pee break to thunderous applause and the sound of Billy Joel's "New York State of Mind" by the "house" band.
BAD MUSIC IDEA #7: Don't play "New York State of Mind" in Boston. Just not a good idea, especially during the Red Sox-Yankees series.
10:27PM : She's getting them good. This seems like somewhat of an audition of things to come. If Kerry doesn't win this time around, this seems like a litmus test for '08. She's saying all of the right things and she's hit almost every conceivable issue with great brevity.
10:31PM : I keep waiting for her to slip and say "Bill Clinton" instead of John Kerry whenever she mentions "the next president". Still can't shake the whole Glenn Close thing.
10:34PM : Maybe Close can tar and feather Brit Hume.
10:36PM : And then the regal horns sounds as Zeus descends from Olympus to the might majestic Mac. "Don't Stop". One of the few right on music moments of the night. The place is going through the roof for the return of their hero.
10:42PM : Remember the days when a president could speak eloquently?
10:51PM : I'd like to hug whomever is behind this speech. It could be a Carville/Begala number, but I'm not sure. Either way. It's really been captivating.
11.01PM : Read this. Just do it. Now. You've come this far.
11:02PM : And so ends the first night of the convention. I'm probably going to do this drunk tomorrow.
11:03PM : BAD MUSIC IDEA #8 : Who the hell let Patti LaBelle follow Bill?
Posted by rob at July 27, 2004 12:09 AM